You know, the year 2012 is just around the corner. And according to a bunch of Mayans, or is it Nostradamus, or I think it may just be Glen Beck, a calamity of biblical proportions is going to befall the entire planet, and we are all dunzo. So, if you have $12 burning a hole in your pocket, why not just go see a sneak preview of your impending doom by way of Sony Pictures new worldwide mega smash, 2012.
If you follow box-office results (and I know you do, I mean how can you not, I mean seriously if you are reading this column, HOW CAN YOU NOT?), you already woke up to the news this week that 2012 opened to something like $225 million dollars in worldwide box office receipts over the weekend. We are talking 72 hours, $225 million dollars. And this isn’t a movie with Batman, Spiderman or Harry Potter in the title. This is a year! A year that occurs a little over 2 years from now! Why and how does a movie named after a year make more money in a weekend than it will take A-Rod the next 7 years to make? Some questions are clearly un-answerable, even by the Mayans and Glen Beck.
I’m not a psychologist nor would I claim to have a direct plug line into the world wide psyche, but haven’t we all seen enough bad times over the past few years that we don’t necessarily need to spend nearly 3 hours in a movie theater seeing everyone on the planet we know die except for (Spoiler Alert – I haven’t seen the movie so the following is my very clichéd and educated guess) John Cusack, Amanda Peet, a couple of cute kids and a dog? Now don’t get me wrong, I love me some John Cusack movies. How can I not view him as some sort of kindred spirit as he guided me through my teens and early twenties in such classics as The Sure Thing, Better Off Dead, One Crazy Summer, and the eternally beloved Say Anything. Yes, I’ll admit I always wanted to try to pull off the boombox over my head move blaring “In Your Eyes” to win a girl’s heart. Somehow that probably wouldn’t work quite as well with an ipod today. Anyway, good ole JC even pulled out some near classics after the 1980s ended including Grosse Point Blank, Being John Malkovich, and High Fidelity. He is a great embodiment of the everyman – and I’m guessing that quality helped him get cast in the lead in 2012. And I cant begrudge the man for taking what surely was a pretty sweet payday to star in this spectacle of disaster porn (JC - if you have backend, promise me promise me promise me you will dig writer/director Savage Steve Holland out of whatever hole he is hiding in and help finance a sequel to Better Off Dead – I need closure. Though Savage Steve is currently listed on IMDB.com as the writer of “Howard Stern’s Porkys” – Ok, I’ll admit it, maybe the world really is ending).
But I digress…I think my point is that even knowing that my kindred spirit/amigo/partner in crime (seriously, I would have liked to have been a fellow con-man with JC in ‘The Grifters’, just seems like that would have been good times, and I mean who could resist Annette Benning in that flick, but again I digress), Mr. John Cusack, is starring in 2012, I can not muster up the enthusiasm to see this film. I just don’t feel like I would get much joy as JC takes me along for a ride towards the end of my life and all the plans I may have beyond the year 2012 (I mean I’m still coping with the fact that the ‘00s are almost over and I have not yet been to Italy), even if (Educated Guess Spoiler Alert) JC does indeed survive in the film. Apparently based on the weekend box office, I’m pretty much alone in my overwhelming non-desire to see this movie. My guess is that in these times of war and global economic despair, 2012 is in movie theaters playing to packed auditoriums for the sole purpose of reminding us the following: hey, it could be much much worse…just you wait and see…now go buy some popcorn and enjoy yourself.
I will say one thing for 2012 though. This is clearly one of those films that if you do want to see, you better see it on the big screen so you can be surrounded by all that awesome death and destruction in THX stereo sound. I think its pretty much assured that the spectacle will be a bit lost in translation if you watch this movie on an ipod. As a NY’er who has also lived in LA, I feel like NYC has been destroyed on film waaaay too much comparatively. Its about time we get to see those evil traffic-clogged LA freeways get their comeuppance, let alone the promised money shot of the famous Randy’s Donut crashing down upon unsuspecting motorists below. As someone who hates LA traffic with a passion, that just might be the ticket to my $12.
Until next time.
JF
